A Twinkling Star

story & illustrations by Wei-chuen You

l Iove to look at the twinkling stars in the sky basking in their dazzling light. Though not having their charm, I yearn to be in their presence for they light up the dark for me. 

  Not a smart girl, I’ve known since childhood that I have to work ten times harder to get somewhere. With a great dose of aspiration and a small dose of inspiration, I find myself in a prestigious high school packed with brilliant stars, ranging from bright to super bright to extra bright ones. Yet, my ecstasy of having made my way to the dreamland is soon replaced by anxiety, and when the results of the first midterm are announced, I am totally drowned in feelings of inferiority. The first time in my life I realize that the twinkles of the stars can be so overwhelming that they hurt. 

  While I am groping for my way, Chrissy comes into my orbit. Unlike the self-important stars that keep to their own places, she reaches out to me. Considering that I am noticeable only when you squeeze your eyes really hard in the night sky, I am amazed that she saw me. Frustrating as my days are, Chrissy leads the mighty battalions of joy and laughter to wipe out even the slightest possibility of tears. Together we have fooled the P.E. teacher, though later caught red-handed, but who cares? The punishment ends up bringing us closer because we fill the after-school detention with as many jokes as we can. To catch one glimpse of the gorgeous math teacher, we creep into the office like two shameless thieves. But when he turns and gives us the sunniest smile on earth, we know, it’s all worth it. Days with crazy Chrissy are so awesome that I’d go over them if I had to relive my years in the crowded “stardom.”

  However, it is not until one day when I fully realize my importance in Chrissy’s heart. Due to some family matters, I am still kept at home one morning way after school starts. The moment I make my sudden appearance in the physics class, Chrissy shouts out loud totally disregarding the teacher, “You are never late for school! What’s wrong? I AM SO WORRIED!” She causes such a commotion that the focus of the whole class falls on me. Like two star-crossed lovers being reunited after a string of mishaps, neither of us is capable of solving any physics questions that require logical thinking. We are so full of tender but illogical emotions of 16—we aren’t just friends for sharing happy moments. I know I can lean on her for sadness as well. 

  On the other hand, my class rank gets stuck in a wet pile of mud. I don’t see myself moving upward, and that has started to drain my low self-confidence. I survive only because Chrissy offers me a haven so that going to school still means something to me. 

  In the beginning of the second year, several new faces pop up in class. Little am I aware that one of them is going to cause a storm in my little cup of tea. The weekly arrangement of seats brings Christina and Chrissy together, while I am seated so faraway from the latter. I still go to Chrissy to tell her about this and that, but soon I sense her impatience, which with time passing grows into indifference. Not wanting to tear off the façade, I keep up the passion until she can’t bear it anymore. “Why don’t you take all your boring jokes and stories and go find someone else?” Upon hearing that, my smile freezes; so does my heart. I can’t look at her long. I can’t utter any word. I just turn and walk away in silence. 

  To make matters worse, meanwhile my grades hit the bottom. I am turning out to be such an eyesore even for the homeroom teacher that she requests a formal talk with me. “I think you are more than that. What do you think?” I have to refrain from replying, “I shouldn’t have been here....” 

  For days, I shed tears quietly, uncontrollably, during the everyday commutes. I have lost the only reason for going to a school which I don’t belong to. What can be worse? 

  Yes, what can be worse? The mere words become my lifeline. From that day on, I force myself to sit down and face my failure square. And since I no longer have anyone to hang out with, I can keep constant company with the textbooks without being distracted at all. 

  For months, I have lived like an invisible loner, surrounded by the shiny stars whom I have no connection with. The good news is, my academic performance has started to look up, though it never makes me as blissful as Chrissy. 

  I have nothing to complain about my loner-hood. The only setback is when we are asked to pair up, I have to endure a few seconds of embarrassment of being left behind before I can locate someone else in a similar situation. That day when I grit my teeth hard when undergoing the same ordeal again, a happy chubby girl comes up to me, saying, “Mind pairing up with me?” I am too stunned to say a thing. She just keeps rambling on while we are practicing tennis. “I’ve noticed you for a while. You are a very special person. Although you look as proud as a peacock, I am just so curious about you.” She’s by no means quiet. She’s far from sophisticated. Sometimes I even find her talking too much. But she lets me be. This is the girl that turns out to be my lifelong best friend. 

  Sam spots my light when I don’t see my glow. Moreover, she shows me that I can be a star. Now I still love to gaze at the shiny stars, but I know, I can light someone’s way with my glow too.